02/20/02 06:14:02 GMT
Comments:
Hi there and congratulations on the continued success of your site! Just wanted to tell folks to drop by my nonBP resources site if they want to learn more about the disorder — your “Trip to Oz” is one of the FIRST things I always recommend reading to brand-new nonBPs. Good work, as always! Helen
02/12/02 12:07:41 GMT
Comments:
Thank you, Chris, for sharing your letter, which I read from start to finish. You’ve done more good than you’ll ever know. Peace and success on your journey.
05/11/02 21:12:44 GMT
Comments:
I really identify with some of the characteristics of the bpd–non bpd
relationship you described in your letter. Along with other people’s stories,
yours has helped me to understand even more what drives bps and to see that
sometimes even though you love them you have to step back and let them work
things out for themselves, if it is possible.
05/07/02 00:07:09 GMT
Comments:
When I read your story I felt really blessed! So open, honest, direct,
complete. How wonderfully unselfish of you to share it. I’ve been in a 11/2
year relationship with my BP lover. It’s funny we met online and she was
abusive even in her writing. She cursed at me, called me names, etc. But was so
“subtle” about it all. She would use “different” words to
insult my intelligence. Anyway I am out of that relationship and now making
healthier choices about everything in my life. I do not rush into relationships
of any kind. Thanks for your story it really helped me a lot.
04/20/02 23:04:48 GMT
Comments:
hmm, i feel very bad after reading most of your “story” i’ve had bpd
myself (now ‘just’ some aspects), and i’m recognizing a lof of things in how
you described terry and your relationship. i’ve mailed my ex-partner (we both
are women) your site. (yeah we have some contact sometimes, maybe (i hope) iwas
just not that worse as terry…) and i see, off course, the otherside of the
drama. by the way: i have been in intensive therapie and it helped a lot. bye,
daan
04/01/02 08:54:07 GMT
Comments:
Dear Chris, Thankyou. I read every word and, like you, did not know what was
wrong with my husband of 11 years. He was my second husband and I believe all
the more devastating because I wanted to be really sure. I tried everything.
Your life is identical to mine in the vocab. he used, the manipulation. He self
mutilated, was violent, verbally, physically and emotionally. I work as a
Counsellor and he devalued this if I supported others or found fault with him.
I have now left him and feel wonderful. My chronic excema has gone, my cycle
has returned, I sleep very well and I know I am a beautiful person with a lot
of love to give. Chris you would have a nurturing, caring and analytical
personality that does not make you codependent of have a low self esteem. Your
upbringing was IDENTICAL to mine. His to Terry’s. This background gave you a
solid grounding that makes you empathetic and tolerant AND well balanced.
People like my husband are attracted to that precise makeup. I wish you every
joy and peace in life. Thankyou for a candid, reassuring expose. You’ve changed
my life in ways you’ll never know. Karen
03/13/02 02:34:19 GMT
Comments:
powerful powerful powerful! I’ve just accomplished the completion of a 3-1/2
year divorce process with XBPH. I was trapped, isolated, controlled and alone
in this relationship for 15 years. Until today, I never knew for sure what it
was. Four years of therapy, and I’m recovering, but knowing for sure what I’m
up against (we have to coparent) will help a lot. I identify with the fear, the
fear, the fear … the walking on eggshells … even now, every time we speak,
I end up in oz … only now, I understand what happened, afterwards. It takes
courage to do the right thing for yourself and it takes courage to put your
story out there. THANK YOU!
07/14/02 10:03:00 GMT
Comments:
This is wonderful, you are a fantastic person. Sometimes it is so difficult
living with these people, especially a non-diagnozed BPD Wife who refuses any
form of therapy or counselling and sees YOU as the wacky one and the one
needing help. I feel like I am slowly losing my mind with her. I found out
about BPD a few months ago and, not all theindicators are there, but many of
them are. I have been thru hell and back the last 2 years with her, she had an
affair, denies the severity of it on our relationship and just thinks that I
should put it all behind me and get on with life “Shit happens” she
says. Totally and completely outraged that I would have the cheek and audacity
to tell anyone about her affair and “our private business”. She has
had rages (of course due to soomething “I” did wrong), broken things,
hit me, reported me to the police for mental and pyhsical abuse. She came from
a broken family and has always had self-esteem and self-image problems and is
the real Jekyll and Hyde character. The slander campaign has started too. I
have recently been laid off, about 2 weeks before I had everything planned to
move out and feel quite devastated.
05/14/02 23:23:16 GMT
Comments:
Hi ‘Chris’! I can’t tell you how much good it did me to read your story. I’m
nonBPD in a ‘relationship’ with a BPD male, and I use the term relationship in
the loosest sense. It’s been 9 years of hell when it’s bad, and heaven when
it’s good. I’ve made all sorts of excuses for him and it took me several years
and several therapists before I realized what was going on. Of course, he
refuses therapy which makes me very sad. I just can’t see myself walking away
but the toll on my self esteem is enormous. I feel so powerless and even when I
do set boundaries it seems to mean nothing to him. I wish I had your courage!
Thanks for letting us read your intimate and touching letter. God Bless!!
10/17/02 02:58:10 GMT
Comments:
I was once best friends (sisters almost…I pratically lived at her house) with
someone who had bpd for two years….last year when she told me that she had
been cutting herself it was horrible. I tried to help her, but she became so
mentally sick that I just couldn’t take it anymore and became depressed myself.
My friends didn’t notice because I am a good actor when it comes to smiling,
and I managed to pull myself out of the depression, but now our friendship is
ruined simply because she is just that sick…she just…can’t understand. Your
story was very touching and I wish the best of luck to you.
10/16/02 20:45:14 GMT
Comments:
Wow, what a clear and well written account of your relationship. I am a
nonBPwho has lived with a BP female for ten years. I am just at the point where
I am realizing that it will never get better. She has tried to commit suicide 5
times in the last month. I feel extremely guilty leaving her at this point, but
I need to find myself, and she is desperately trying to “hold on”.
Everyone deserves happiness in their life, I am glad you found yours…I hope I
can find the same.
10/01/02 21:01:17 GMT
Comments:
The letter broke my heart, for the both of you. Thank you for your honesty and
courage.
11/29/02 01:13:12 GMT
Comments:
Thank You for your insight into this insidious disorder. I am only several days
out of a relationship with a man with BPD. It took a lot of strength to leave.
He had me convinced I was crazy. In fact, due to the manipulative nature of the
relationship, I was going crazy. Also, being a co-dependent I held on thinking
I could make things work. It was broken from the beginning and never really
mine to fix. So now the healing must begin. My eyes are open to what kind of
people are out in the world and I hope to God NEVER to run into another person
like this again. This person took 2 years of my life and has left significant
scars. That which does not kill us make us stronger! Thanks Again!
01/29/03 23:09:11 GMT
Comments:
I have just read your story “My Trip To Oz” If i were to change the
names and substitute my own this could have been written by me. I would be
interested in talking with you some time if you are interested or willing.
Thanks and I am very sorry, I think I know how you feel and it can make your
life seem hopeless at times. Good luck, I am still in this nightmare.
01/23/03 17:19:39 GMT
Comments:
Sir, I read your letter. I was so sad to read. I was diagnosed in 1999 with
having BPD, and at the time I had a 2 year old girl and had just lost a 2 month
old baby boy to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. My husband and I tried for a long
time to work on our relationship. This last Nov.(2002), we have been divorced a
year. We had been seperated for about 5 months before though. I do get to see
my daughter on supervised visitation on weekends now. I would like to add you
to my email list and talk to you. I really hope that that letter helped you,
and also helped your ex if she read it. I read it, and I called my ex and told
him I was just so very sorry for what I put him through. I never asked if I was
hurting him, back then. I thank you for everything you put in that letter
though. At the present time, I am in college, and I am going to do a paper on
BPD, and I may use some of that letter if it’s ok with you.
06/19/03 12:23:31 GMT
Comments:
Thank you so much for publishing this on line. I have had a very similar
experience and can identify with so much of yours, its very affirming to know
that this bpd is a very real and devestating condition to be in contact with.
As a recovering non I still need to remind myself daily that i am o.k. and I
have had a very painful trip into a land (OZ) i do not wish to inhabit. It
meant giving up someone I loved very much for my own survival. Your letter has
given me further insight into this distressing condition and my own need to
stay away from my bpd ex lover.
06/06/03 01:45:21 GMT
Comments:
This site was so informative. Thank you, very much! I needed info on BPD for an
oral presentation in my psycholgy class. I first heard of BPD when I read,
“Girl Interrupted” by Suzanna Kaysen. I was really fascinated and
chose it as my presentation and thesis project. Anyway, thanks so much!
06/02/03 23:38:44 GMT
Comments:
Thank you so much for sharing all you went thru. I got out of a similar
relationship 2 years ago, now I have had BP experiences with a close friend,
was going to be roomate-cancelled that idea.well only after she threatened to
kill another friend of mine. Thank You again, for helping me recognise the
insanity of my situation. best wishes, I am glad you are well and Happy
05/25/03 01:39:31 GMT
Comments:
wow, thanks for sharing your letter! my bpd girlfriend just left me and i can
really relate to your writing. it helps a lot. best of luck in all you do.
05/08/03 20:32:44 GMT
Comments:
As the sister of a Non-BP, I am stricken at the extent of emotional abuse and
danger my beloved sister, niece and nephew endured, and as a truly beaten down
Non, at how successfully she’s kept years of verbal, emotional and physical
abuse to herself, believing that she was somehow responsible for the behavior
of her BPSO. The brainwashing, the control, the irrationality we are becoming
aware of — we thought his intense drive to ‘win’, his inability/unwillingness
to accept or even acknowledge the rights of others to an opinion (he was always
‘right’)—meant he was just a “strange duck.” We now realize that
our brother-in-law is diagnosably ill. Thank you for your courage in telling a
hellish tale. When we get our sister, niece and nephew situated, we will try to
help our (soon to be ex-) brother-in-law, who evidently needs more than he
understands. God bless you and keep you.
05/05/03 13:08:48 GMT
Comments:
Appreciate the insights…I have a long way to understanding my spouse (BPD who
has not been told yet) and not sure how to handle day to day interactions but
your info has been a great starting point…Thank-You.
08/17/03 06:54:47 GMT
Comments:
It hurts me so much to read all the guests who say “thank god I’m out of
the relationship.” Did anyone continue the relationship understanding that
the person was only unwell and didn’t realize what they were doing. perhaps you
should send them the story. it made me realize what I done to all my friends
and now I feel so terrible and it makes me feel even more depressed. I suffer
from BPD and some form of depression the doctor says its just depression but my
counselor says it bi-polar. If it is bi-polar I experince more depression. I
was in a 7 month relationship w/ a guy i truly loved but it didn’t turn serious
until 3months after met. it was actually me that ended it one night that i got
extrememly depressed and wrote to him in an email after he got angry and
wouldn’t talk to me. I wrote that I was tired of being a burden on him and I
just couldn’t deal with it any more. then i told him how I had overdosed on
sleeping pills. of course the next morning i was still alive just extremely
fucked up. I regretted my decesion to break up with him but by that time it was
too late. its been about 6months since the break up and weren’t not friends b/c
he told me it hurt too much to try to be friends. now i know why he doesn’t
want anything to do with me. and i’m so very sorry. i’m so afraid that i won’t
be able to control my habits. i’m not as bad as most bpds (at least I hope not)
I think this because I’m so depressed at times. so i always felt i was a burden
and worthless. but i kept pushing and pulling all my ex-friends. it’s not fair
to to feel the way you “normal” people do about the disordered ones.
but i realize it’s hard to understand. sorry this is so long but i appreciate
that you’ve read this far.
08/11/03 04:11:42 GMT
Comments:
My 2 year year relationship with my bp just ended 3 weeks ago. I’m in the
process of grief and healing. Your story helps in trying to find my way back to
“me”. I didn’t know what bpd was until last fall, when I was
desperatley looking for answers to my experience from her actions and
behaviors. Talk about a “light bulb”!. It’s very difficult not to
take bp behavior personally to say the least. I still love her deeply. The
ironic statement she said to me was that “SHE WAS TIRED OF THIS”!
Sorry I carried on a bit, but thanks again for sharing your heart felt
experience for “us” out here who are trying to find or make sense of
the chaos and pain we are livind in, or trying to find our way back to
“I”. Tony V.
06/21/03 23:16:44 GMT
Comments:
Thank you so much for your letter. I never knew about this disorder until I
fell in love with someone who had it. Fortunately for me (since I am very
sensitive and co-dependent) we only lasted 9 weeks. She ended it in a rather
hurtful e-mail after I chose to cancel our next date to think things over a
little. This was after a night in which she was the worst I had ever seen her.
Had I known about this condition, the way I am, I would have stayed and stayed
to help her. All the while my life would have been filled with grief. I could
not believe how careless, demanding, jealous, angry and controlling she would
be at times so early in our relationship (3 to 5 weeks). When everything was
going so well, she would always find something wrong and be very sensitive to
every little thing I said or did. I argued back at her which I should not have
done (I never thought she might have been ill, etc.) and felt terrible when I
cancelled the next date since she never talked to me again even though I called
a few times apologizing, etc. I just knew something was either wrong with her
or she did not like me. I always read her actions as she either did not like me
or was just overly critical. My friend runs into her on occasion and she seems
to be doing well and may have someone else in her life. I still feel strange
over what happened two months later and whenever my friend sees her it makes me
sad especially since she never brings me up and he gets to talk to her. But I
guess that is the best thing that could have happened since I need some calm in
my life since I am quite sensitive and caring. I miss her excitement,
intelligence, our many common interests, insight, beauty and the “kind,
loving side” of her. But I knew the emotional abuse would have gotten
worse. My friend even said she told him once that she has some violent thoughts
against some of the men that approach her at social events on occasion. Anyway,
she is the one who finally ended our relationship and all I have to do is find
a new woman who I can love and love me back and accept me for who I am. I
started to hate myself and blamed myself for the end of our relationship. I
never called her names or touched her but she ended up blaming me for
everything which hurt. I think the real hurt was going to come in the future
with her. I saw what my future would have been like with her. I saved myself a
lot of grief and your letter and guestbook have really helped me begin to heal
the pain I have felt for weeks. Thank you so much and best of luck in the
future to everyone.
08/24/03 15:46:40 GMT
Comments:
So glad this is here.
10/16/03 05:09:10 GMT
Comments:
It’s unfortunate that you had to go through the pain and suffering to be able
to write such a truely wonderful letter. Right now, I am in a similar
situation–having married a wonderful 35 years old woman from Spain. However,
what I thought was Anorexia Nervosa over the last two years of our
relationship… well, I am convinced that it is BPD. She has all the
characteristics–and many parts of your letter could apply to our situation.
She’s currently back in Spain, and more than likely won’t return–preferring to
blame me as she has done nothing for two years but blame her parents and all
other people. I love her–but there does come a time, even for the toughest of ex-Marines
and ex-cops, such as myself, when “enough is enough.” Thanks for
allowing me to read the letter. It was nice to know that I have not been the
only one to go through hell–and to have somehow kept my sanity, when there
were times when I thought it was in question. Best of luck to you. – Steven
12/17/03 03:16:11 GMT
Comments:
thank you for sharing your experience.
11/30/03 23:15:40 GMT
Comments:
WHEW! I haven’t had the time to finish reading your letter–but your girl and
mine could be the same. She’s Spanish, 35 years old (going on 16), has lived at
home all her life (except when she went to Oxford U.) and she’s anoretic. It
was a tough two years, and we were married July 19, 2003. She came back here
for 6 weeks–and returned home, suposedly to arrange to relocate here. Now, for
the last three months, it’s been hell on earth, as she accuses me of things
that I never did, and a bunch of other stuff. I’m a counselor, of all
things–but with no experience with BPD. I didn’t put the pieces together until
I read “Walking on Eggshells” and started to read your letter. ‘Beats
me what’s gonna happen with us. I’m *not* codependent, needy, clingy, or
anything like that, but I love her. The thing is, love is not enough. At least
she’s in Spain, as my friends tell me, so that might be a good thing. I’m
getting long-winded, but thanks for posting your letter. I’m thinking about
doing it, too, on my web site–and she suspects that I will, and has told me
that all I want to do is hurt her. That’s not true, but I do believe that
people need to know, to learn, to have some insight into what life is like with
someone who has (or might has, since it is non-verified in this case) BPD.
Thanks! Be happy–and FEEL happy.
10/20/03 21:44:11 GMT
Comments:
Thank you so much for this letter. I have also written several. My BPD partner
is a recovering alcoholic. I thought that the behavior was from the alcohol
until the same behavior kept occuring. Then I found this site. I have elected
to leave the relationship.
03/22/04 02:03:24 GMT
Comments:
I have bpd. Reading your account reinforces my drive to get better, so my
boyfriend and I can avoid the pain that this problem brings. Thank you for
being honest. 🙂
03/21/04 19:04:18 GMT
Comments:
This is amazing. I lived with a man with BP for over 3 years and actually
diagnosed what was wrong myself through the internet. I have thought about
writing a book based on my experiences but thought nobody would believe it
until I came across this site. This has really helped me put alot of what I
suffered into perspective – Thank you regards Karen
03/15/04 21:30:46 GMT
Comments:
Thank you for making me realize that I’m not going crazy.
02/11/04 09:35:48 GMT
Comments:
As a girl whose lifelong best friend has recently been diagnosed BPD, I am so
grateful to have found this site. I want to thank you for sharing your
experiences. Mine have been different, yet dangerous. Sara, my best friend,
threw a couple of chairs at her father and at me a couple of weeks back. I’m
glad to know that there is someone out there brave and willing enough to share
what they went through.
01/30/04 17:34:38 GMT
Comments:
Thank you for sharing. A few months ago I left a 4 1/2 year relationship. It
was extremely hard to leave as I really did love and care for her and her
children. I had no idea what was going on in the relationship, but knew it was
out of control and unhealthy. It wasn’t until coming accross Borderline
personality web sites in search of answers on why my partner was so angry at me
and abusive that I realized what was happening and that she is BPD. It has been
great to hear about other non-Bp experiences involving their BP partners. I
know I have alot of healing to do and to hear about others people experiences
has been really helpful to know I’m not the only that has been through
something like this.
01/02/04 02:35:07 GMT
Comments:
I admire your courage!I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 yrs,who has
recently been diagnosed with all sorts.also he has been in hospital but the
doctors did not give him the right medication(for his bouts of depression)so as
a result,he has lost faith in the medical system and that he can ever be
helped.I have been going crazy(literlly) for him to have a proper diagnosis as
i am no doctor but can be almost 98% sure he has some kind of PD.My biggest
problem is getting him to admit he has a massive emotional problem,which leads
to his behaviour of pushing me away(when he is down…and calling me missing me
when he is up..)in the first place!he says he was born to be a loner but yet
craves intimacy,acceptance and unconditional love.He has always had an over
bearing mother who often used and uses emotional blackmail in order to gain
control.any advice?
06/06/04 03:19:21 GMT
Comments:
Thank you for this website. I suspected my husband had BPD several years ago,
but eighteen years later, five marriage counselors, and life constantly
“on a rollercoaster,” I know it’s true and I’m not crazy. Thanks to
everyone who wrote in.
05/15/04 23:47:57 GMT
Comments:
Looking for help/support have husband with BPD and am at my wits end.
05/06/04 18:29:31 GMT
Comments:
Peter, (or PETER from 28th) You aren’t crazy and countless people have
similarly stayed in bp relationships for many years, for a lot of the same
reasons and other personal ones. Just know that you can’t fix it or change it,
nor did you cause it. It isn’t and wasn’t your fault. Leaving is still a bitch.
There is a lot to grieve.
04/21/04 13:31:23 GMT
Comments:
found your letter when looking for help understanding what happenend to
“us” for 2 and a half year. still insecure, still loving don´t know
whats right whats wrong……. anyway, love peter
04/18/04 18:26:24 GMT
Comments:
Wow! A great big Thank You for posting this letter on the Web. I have been
agonizing over, and confused by my girlfriend’s behavior. I have been
especially confused over what you call the Silent Treatment. When I read that,
EVERYTHING just clicked and suddenly made sense. Wow, finally, I have a sense
of how I’ve gotten caught up and lost. It’s due to my own sincerity and
openness which my girlfriend has exploited to the maximum. Thank you for this
Web site. I’m writing my own letter to my own girlfriend today. Mark
04/11/04 19:16:46 GMT
Comments:
I wanted to say thank you for creating this site. I am in the process of ending
a relationship with someone I love very much, who has BPD. It is such a relief
to read your words and know that other people have had similar experiences.
09/15/04 00:15:09 GMT
Comments:
I appreciate you sharing your story on the web. I found it to be very helpful.
I have also gotten a lot of support from a CoDA (co-dependants anonymous)
group. This may be another good resource for your readers. I love that you took
the time to write an epilogue. Very loving of you. Some part of me leapt
forward upon reading it and said “Yes! I choose peace and harmony, too!”
God bless you! – Patricia
09/08/04 22:48:31 GMT
Comments:
Thank you for all of your insightful information. I just left a 4 year
relationship with my ex-highschool sweetheart about a month ago. I really need
as much guidance and information as I can get right now. This website is a god
send to my recovery. My eyes are not falling out of my eye sockets anymore and
I can see the changes just looking at myself in the mirror- my eyes are so much
happier without her in my life; they are brighter and I feel so much less
stress in my life. I don’t have to hide my keys and my wallet, etc. anymore. I
feel like a prisoner set free. Every week I’m away from her I feel stronger and
more confident. To all those in my current situation leaving the destruction
and abuse of a BPSO, don’t look in the rear view mirror because the hoover is
waiting for you to slip up again. Put the pedal to the medal and quit wasting
your life- you can’t get the years back!
08/31/04 05:10:46 GMT
Comments:
Can I just say wow, just reading your letter dissipated my anger towards my
x-BPD boyfriend!
08/26/04 07:01:55 GMT
Comments:
Thank you for this site, and for putting your letter out there for others to
benefit from. I was involved with a woman with BPD for 3 years, and finally had
the courage and internal fortitude to walk away. I feel liberated. The things
you describe are uncanny, and so like her. My best friend now is also BPD -so I
know how to deal with her as well. I seem to attract these people for some
reason, but knowing that there are others who have the same experience is
helpful in dealing with your own insecurities after dealing with a BPD. Thanks
again.
08/23/04 17:22:11 GMT
Comments:
Both of my exwives are borderlines. It was “normal” for me to be in
this type of relationship. I was with my second wife for six years. I thought
that I was crazy and defective. I love her (divorced 5 months) but I will never
go back. I read this letter over and over again. Sanity and logic return
eventually. I feel sad when I realazie that she will never change. I am sad
that I can never be with her again and sad that she fully “believes”
If I just wasn’t so angry we could be happy. anyone wishing to correspond with
me would be welcome. It will help me to help you. Be strong and take care of
yourself.
08/22/04 23:40:46 GMT
Comments:
good site
08/10/04 05:10:06 GMT
Comments:
AMAZING STORY – everyone who deals with BPD’s needs to read this. I’m an R.N.
that has worked extensively with BPD’s and strangely enough I got into a
relationship with one. I was doing the “i’m sorry i’m sorry” over
& over. She was living in a group home & they made her file a
restraining order against me. That group home did me such a big favor. I can’t
believe how enmeshed I became with a potential client. To all health care
professionals; be careful not to cross those boundries.
06/20/04 02:45:39 GMT
Comments:
Thank you for this site. I have been involved with someone with BPD for two-and
a half years. It can be so difficult and sites like this are a godsend, just to
remind you are not alone.
1/23/04 15:54:25 GMT
Comments:
Very moving and inspiring. The more I read the more, the more angry I got
because the more familiar it all felt. I work with student mental health nurses
and will point them in the direction of this so that they will understand so
much more about BPD. One day hopefully I will be inspired enough to do what I
have to do. Good luck and thanks.
11/21/04 01:48:31 GMT
Comments:
Thank you for making pages like this possible. My 28 year marriage to a BPD
personality is over, I’m seeking support and guidance to learn how to help my
son (s) recover their esteem and recognize any baggage that may robbing them of
their full joy of life. Thanks, very much, Les
11/16/04 19:41:13 GMT
Comments:
A great contribution to us who are involved with BPD..i am new to this game,
but you surly described my situation..
11/12/04 20:25:53 GMT
Comments:
Thank you sooo much for you story that you shared with all of us! Hope that
everything is working well in your life! Nicole
10/18/04 06:21:27 GMT
Comments:
I started up a BPD site “Down Under” after enduring a roller coaster
relationship with an undiagnosed BPD. So many things you said touched my heart
because they related to me, so many issues, happening, actions and reactions
were my life revisited. I thank you for sharing your story and am so pleased
that you found the love that you craved and deserved Michael
10/01/04 14:45:54 GMT
Comments:
Thanks for putting your letter online! It really does help to know someone else
went through the same things I did.
09/21/04 18:08:05 GMT
Comments:
Thanks for posting this! I had a close friendship with a BP, that is (mercifully)
totally over. I really empathize with your need to catalog everything like you
did. BPs are so crazymaking, their victims are left with so much helpless rage.
Writing it all down seems to help. Thanks again. Its nice to know I’m not the
only one.
01/02/05 18:34:26 GMT
Comments:
Thanks for sharing your experience, and thanks particularly for your Epilogue.
7 weeks ago, my girlfriend of a little over a year broke off our relationship.
It appears that this time, (she broke it off on several previous occasions),
it’s likely for real. She has been in therapy for a few years and determined
last year that she had “mild” BPD. Some months ago she directed me to
“The Shack” website so that I could understand her better. I read it
all, but ignored the warnings because I loved her so much and had to believe
that she was on the road to recovery. Hopefully she is, but apparently not
recovered enough to sustain our relationship. It comforts me to know I’m not
alone with these feelings. I try to hope someday to find someone who has
learned as much as I have about how to have a good relationship. Sadly, most of
the time I wait in the hope that she’ll overcome her disorder and want what I
thought we could have together.
12/15/04 11:18:41 GMT
Comments:
Thank you so much for your brave account. So much of what you have written
describes the relationship I am having (and trying to get out of) with my
emotionally abusive boyfriend. I have only just found out about BPD – I got
your URL from SWOE. I realise I have to take control of myself – your letter confirms
many things I have been thinking about and been confused about for the last 9
months. Thank you. I wish you well.
12/10/04 04:00:18 GMT
Comments:
Your letter has been a godsend. Thank you so much. I have been in a confused
haze of a relationship for years and am just now starting to feel sane by
reading about BPD. I am in the middle of possibly ending the relationship and
would like to correspond with anyone going through the same thing and wanting
peer support.
01/06/05 03:52:38 GMT
Comments:
What a story to have to tell on the internet. Your courage and insight are
amazing! I have a friend who is currently stuck with a BPD spouse and he is
unable to get away. The family of BPD are the ones who really suffer. It’s a
dirty little secret the family must keep silent. I’m pleased you were able to
stop the cycle of violence and chaos to make your escape. I hope others like
you see the light. May God be with you! Thanks for sharing the details of your
relationship.
02/10/05 02:54:08 GMT
Comments:
Thank you so much for being there… I have been with a BPD for 10 years and I
have about lost my mind. The rages, the chaos, the wildness, and now she (we’re
gay) has just about wrecked me financially. I want out. Every time I tell her
to leave, she refuses, and if I leave, she leaves desperate, crying messages
until I relent… it’s so hard to get away from her. Now she’s threatening that
if I leave, she’ll ruin me professionally, financially, and in any other way
she can. It’s pretty scary… here I am with a good job, good friends who tell
me to leave her, and I can’t seem to do it… my therapist says that my
self-esteem is very low, and that I’m in a battered-wife-syndrome type of
relationship. I keep hoping that things will get better. Thanks for listening–
I know you understand.
02/07/05 22:10:45 GMT
Comments:
What a God-send this site is-and this letter-both of which I will continue to
study further. Your experiences are amazingly similar to many of my own with
someone who I had to leave physically but haven’t yet left emotionally or
mentally. Thank you.
02/01/05 22:36:58 GMT
Comments:
The letter is fascinating. I am presently being divorced by an undiagnosed BP.
The book ” Stop Waling on Eggshells” describes her to a T. I am
working very closely with my atty on how to deal in court with her
“Persuasive Blamer” personality. I put my faith in the fact , that I
had nothing to do with her “blaming” me for her unhappiness. Thank
You for all of your information.
01/28/05 03:21:36 GMT
Comments:
I’ve recently ended a friendship that was short-lived but very intense and
meaningful to me, and your letter is helping me to deal with it. For most of
the friendship, I felt really crazy and unstable, and it’s taking lots of
effort to convince myself that it wasn’t all me. Thanks for sharing your story.
02/25/05 16:01:36 GMT
Comments:
I thank God I stumbled upon this. I believe I am a person with BPD who has been
putting someone I love through much of what you described. I am able to see my
own behavior and want to do everything in my power to change it. I do not want
to lose this person and I am grateful that so many non-BPDs do stick with their
partners who are doing everything they can to make things right. Thank you for
your story.
02/21/05 07:48:10 GMT
Comments:
I just read your letter to your ex (BP)I just read my life for the past 10
years. I can’t believe how exact most of your experiences were to mine. I
actually cried at times. It’s so great to know I’m not alone. It’s so hard to
describe some of the BP behavior to family and friends. This would be a great
letter for them to read. I filed divorce one month ago and the courts forced
him to move out last week. He was refusing to leave. We have two beautiful
young children. Unfortunately, he will never be out of my life completely. And
I will always need to protect our kids from his behavior. Thanks Again!!!
03/17/05 15:40:11 GMT
Comments:
Wow.. I am in the middle of the end of a relationship with someone who has BPD.
(I didn’t find out until a couple of weeks before the end, but also Bi-polar,
paranoid disorder, narcisstic PD) I never knew there were so many stories out
there like this. I myself have quite the horror story, but it will just sound
like reverberation if I bother to tell it.. I found your story to be riveting
because of the incredible similarity in many aspects to my own.. I had a lot of
abuse in mine though, and it was always shrugged off — I was told “you
never raise a hand to a woman” when I had gotten punched in the
head/neck/face probably 100 times in the last month of it… kicked probably 10
times, spit on twice and had my dinner taken away from me and thrown in the
sink.. When I tried to leave her she called the police and told them I had hit
her. I didn’t, (and I don’t care if you believe me) but the law is on the side
of the females in these domestic disputes. I’m going to lose my house fighting
this in court – I’ve been rendered ineffective at work – my neighbors all look
at me funny now. While I was with her I felt like going to the roof of a tall
building and taking a swan dive. Things are slowly getting better now, despite
my legal situation.
03/08/05 02:00:03 GMT
Comments:
Hey. I wanted to thank you for writing this. My mother has never been diagnosed
as BDP, but she displays many of the symptoms, as do I. This resounded so
loudly with me that I started crying. I remember my mom being this way and at
the same time I remember the times I’ve “attacked and shut down” just
like you described your partner doing. More than anything, I don’t want to be
that person. I’ve worked for a long time to overcome my problems and this has
helped to strenghten my resolve. Thanks.
03/03/05 01:51:43 GMT
Comments:
My wife of <6mos. and I are separated. She called Friday and Saturday,
telling me she loved me, intimating suicide. On Sunday, she invited me over,
hugged and kissed me and told me she’d always loved me. I couldn’t understand
the despondent tone and she finally admitted she’d filed for divorce. On
Monday, I expected to receive the divorce papers. Yesterday (Tues.) my attorney
called after receiving the papers from her atty. They alleged physical abuse,
contained a protective order and had been filed the previous Thursday. I was
stunned. I’d seen and talked to her several days in the interim and hadn’t even
known. Yesterday she called 4 times, sent one email and left one voicemail. I’m
not allowed to take her calls and have forwarded the messages to my atty. What
a profound disregard for her own rules! I’m sure she’s switched to hating me
since I didn’t respond to her calls. I’m exhausted and sad, but relieved this
relationship is finally closing. It’s lasted 2.5 years and I think I’ve aged
ten through the constant stress. Thanks for writing your experience. It helps
to know I’m not crazy.
04/18/05 17:16:25 GMT
Comments:
I came across this site somewhat randomly….I’m been experiencing something
with my gf that sounds almost identical to your story. We’ve been together
almost one year, and I have been suspecting she has BPD for a while (I’m a psych
student, ironically)….Just to describe one situation,I’m currently in another
country working. Before I left, she was singing loves praises, right up until 3
weeks ago, when suddenly “her feelings have changed”. I know there
are no external factors involved, in my view its simply another example of the
pushing away and pulling back in phenomenon, along with the lack of
“object contancy” classic to this disorder. I’m not naive to believe
that I do not have some responsibility for our relationship….but though I
feel I’m being pushed to the edge, I feel helplessly addicted, and cannot bear
the thought of leaving her….I hope that I will find the strength to end this
torture soon…you give me hope that it is possible. Thankyou for sharing.. J.
03/18/05 16:40:14 GMT
Comments:
This account puts it in perspective – and this guestbook prevents suicides of
NON’s. You have probably saved my life or mental stability with this account.
New arrivals to this site — Reading The Entire Guest Books is almost as
beneficial as the story and letter itself. Do youself a favor, and feel better.
07/21/05 20:09:09 GMT
Comments:
VI’m “in the middle” of a breakup with what I believe to be a BPD
lesbian- it’s been 6 months of HELL ON EARTH and this letter has basically
given me the confidence to know I haven’t imagined it all- it’s real…
Needless to say, I’m starting my healing process and was absolutely amazed at
this letter and the similarities to that which I have experienced. THANK YOU so
much- I suspected the illness even after the first “episode”- studied
psychology- but I just coudn’t/wouldn’t let it sink in (true case of
knowlegeabel denial!). what an immense help-spent the day reading it/pondering
my relationship. merci! susan
07/20/05 09:12:16 GMT
Comments:
As someone with BPD, recovering, I want to thank you for sharing what you lived
through. I saw so much of my younger self in your letter, it was painful to
read, but it has shed a lot of light on things for me
07/17/05 04:37:21 GMT
Comments:
I just read two segments and I had to quit. The tears flooded my eyes as I read
what seemed to be my life. I am trying to get my wife to seek help, but I fear
it is too late.
06/05/05 10:37:57 GMT
Comments:
Dear Chris, many thanks for sharing your insights. Only those who have been
close to a BPD can really understand where you have been. I would like to
dedicate a couple of words to you personally and all those others that still
are or were exposed to BPD. There is a life after you managed to get out. Me
myself, I am currently on my way out of the pickle. “Thus I began my new
life, in a new name, and with everything new about me. Now that the state of
doubt was over, I felt, for many days, like one in a dream… and that a
curtain had for ever fallen on my former life. No one has ever raised that
curtain since. I have lifted it for a moment, even in this narrative, with a
reluctant hand, and dropped it gladly. The remembrance of that life is fraught
with so much pain to me, with so much mental suffering and want of hope, that I
have never had the courage even to examine how long I was doomed to lead it.
Whether it lasted for a year, or more, or less, I do not know. I only know that
it was, and ceased to be; and there I leave it.” Charles Dickens, from
‘David Copperfield’. Don’t forget: there is a life before death! Take care Ralf
05/04/05 23:03:21 GMT
Comments:
I miss my BPD ex and wish I could talk to her today. At the same time, I am
incredibly relieved that she is out of my life. Your story helped, so thank
you.
08/23/05 17:04:32 GMT
Comments:
I found your letter really insightful and helpful. I recently ended a very
traumatic 2 1/2 yr relationship with a bp woman. I was not aware of her
diagnosis or what it meant until very recently. Your experience was mild
compared to mine. I was a victim of severe, regular, physical violence. I can
really identify with your descriptions of the pulling close-pushing away
behaviors. also the constant verbal and emotional abuse, and the bewilderment
of losing your sense of self and sanity. it is easy to blame the BP for their
grossly inappropraite behavior. it is more difficult to examine ourselves and
our role. what is it that makes us think that we can “save” someone
from an enemy that is really no one but themselves. why do we keep going back
when it is obviously an exercise in futility, and can only lead to further pain
and degradation? I struggle with these questions. How did I become such a
glutton for punishment? I am seeing a psychiatrist later today. I loved this
woman very intensely.Everything about her seemed magnified beyond normal human
proportions.
08/18/05 01:24:09 GMT
Comments:
I just ended a relationship with a woman who is 35 and I believe to be a bpd.
After reading a lot on the bpdcentral sites it’s all making sense and I’m not
going crazy. The public temper tantrums, the memory loss of important
discussions we have, not lack of responsibility for her dog, for herself, for
paying people back, for the entitlement attitude…it’s all there..sadly, I
love her…ugh…and I wish there was hope. We did the never ending cycle of
break-up get back together and unfortunately I think her mother is very
similar. she writes it off as being of french decent and that her family just
has a history of a “temper”. Frightening…though i know after
reading everything that it’s possible…so sad..so sad..so sad. But atleast it
makes me not hate her and move on…it will be hard but I will not look back
because i do feel I lost part of my life for about a year…thanks for this
site and all your input. It’s not that you don’t love them…it’s just that
they just don’t have the capacity to really love the whole you the way you
deserve…
08/18/05 01:18:47 GMT
Comments:
Oh…this is been a very helpful site…..
07/25/05 05:15:51 GMT
Comments:
Thank .you for being here for us nons. I pray for the stregth I feel I will
need to do the healthy thing.
11/06/05 22:26:51 GMT
Comments:
Thank you for telling your personal story. I’m a poet and I met someone online
in 2003. The woman appeared very sweet and seduction. She was moving very fast,
telling me she loves me without even meeting me first. She was living in a
fantasy world, waiting for some Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet. It
seemed like love at first site. Then, as I was getting to know her better, I
discovered her moodiness, temper tantrums, accusations, lies and manipulations.
She could appear as an angel at one moment and turn into accusing monster the
next. I didn’t know what to do. She had no idea who she was and changed her
personality with different people. She was also bisexual and promiscuous,
hiding numerous affairs. It’s all beautiful in Oz until you discover the person
behind the curtain. She was a high functioning person with BPD and was able to
hide things very well, while appearing charming and intelligent. When she
decided to cut me out of her life, she started to pretend like I never existed
in spite of her numerous love poems, love notes and gift. I felt very isolated
and depressed, feeling that I was all alone. A lot of people with BPDs won’t
acknowledge that they have a problem. They’ll try to convince their partners
that they are the ones who are moody, needy and irrational. And they are not likely
to seek professional help. In BPD’s world you can’t tell reality from fantasy,
truth from lies. I was in tears all the time and was hospitalized for
depression. I am beginning to heal now as I read about BPD and hear other
people’s stories. I’ve added a page on BPD to my website, listing useful links,
books and other BPD resources. Reading about other people’s experiences helped
feel that I’m not alone. With best wishes, Alexander Shaumyan poet, author of
“Spirit of Rebellion”
11/01/05 12:25:13 GMT
Comments:
Very nice website. Thanks!
10/30/05 08:05:09 GMT
Comments:
This is very informative site. Great work!!!
10/20/05 00:14:49 GMT
Comments:
I finally left my BPD wife 2 months ago. Your story is so similar to mine, the
symptoms, the actions and the psychological effects. In my case there was the
added pain of long term infidelity as well. Thank you so much for publishing
this.
10/17/05 01:39:15 GMT
Comments:
10/16/2005 WOW reading this is scary. I dont know what to do but i know now
that something has to be done. After 6 years and the illfated trip back from
new Mexico i know i am on the losing end Thank you.
10/03/05 20:40:51 GMT
Comments:
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your letter with us. My experience
of being in a relationship with a BPD was so isolating – since very few people
‘on the outside’ were ever exposed to the behaviour I was as the intimate
partner, I felt utterly alone and could not talk to my own friends about it, as
it would sound crazy – the woman they all knew casually was a smart, funny,
quirky good time. Thank you for your bravery, and I wish you happiness and the
healthy relationship you deserve.
09/28/05 12:43:16 GMT
Comments:
I’ve found a great relief in your web because I know now how to deal with my
own problems and the hurt my BPD ex made to me. Please let me know if there is
any problem to translate your web pages into spanish because I think it’s
interesting enough. Thanks.
09/22/05 22:37:32 GMT
Comments:
9/21/05: Hun, you have helped SO many by posting this story & site. I very
very often refer & link to it when posted at BPDCentral to enlighten other
NONS about the turmoil of a BPD relationship. (I did so just now to a new
Poster there, who is in the sam type of scenario you were in…) I indicate
that BPD has no age,sex,color,creed barriers. Your tale is CLASSIC, and so very
helpful for others. Thank you a million times for sharing it… between yours
& www.DrJoeCarver.com, and his “Article” about “Identifying
Losers In Relationships”, so many people have “gotten a light bulb
moment”, and finally woke up to regain their self-worth, their self-esteem
and their values. PEACE ~Nel =^..^=
09/15/05 19:01:02 GMT
Comments:
THANK YOU !
12/16/05 11:15:20 GMT
Comments:
I learned about BPD for the first time just days ago. I was struck by how
accurately it described my long-time lover. Yet, most of the personal accounts
I read seemed full of relationships far more dramatic and dysfunctional than my
own; yours is the first to mirror my situation. Thanks for sharing your story.
12/15/05 05:50:57 GMT
Comments:
Cool guestbook, interesting information.
12/13/05 21:47:01 GMT
Comments:
Thank you for posting your story….you could have been talking about my
mother-in-law…I have emailed the link to my husband as we are trying to
shelter ourselves and our young son from this behavior, and started having the
same doubts as you. I also read the ‘Stop Walking on Eggshells’ book and that
has been immense comfort to me. My husband and I have been in therapy, and our
son starts in 2 weeks. I am happy that you were able to make it out intact, and
finally found the love you deserve. Good luck, and thank you.
12/10/05 07:50:17 GMT
Comments:
It is really informative. I really enjoy this web site!
1/21/05 23:44:59 GMT
Comments:
A life saving letter. I am trapped in a relationship of 33 yrs. How do i
survive at 59. i stayed because of the black and white nature of the
relationship – he was good one minute black the next. All the promises. I wish
i was young again. i would leave if i knew then what i know now. how sad is
that.
02/25/06 18:58:22 GMT
Comments:
Hello, Thank you for writing this. It’s been very helpfull and I believe that
my last girlfriend was borderline as well. I recognized A LOT. Especially the
silent treatments and the other passive agressive tricks and traps I walked
into over and over again. My relationship lasted a year. It’s been a couple of
weeks now since I broke up. I received a package from the postman today. I
wasn’t there so he couldn’t deliver it, instead he left me a note. The note
said that someone mailed me something, but there was no information about the
sender. The package will be delivered again next monday. It’s probably ‘her’. I
left some stuff there so she probably sent it to me. I fear that the package
also contains a letter, in which she’ll probably brilliantly play the victim
herself and tell me how horrible I am for leaving her. However, reading your
letter makes me stronger and makes it feel like I am the one who was the victim
for the greatest part of the relationship. If she does send me a letter, I’ll
probably write her something back like you did. Maybe not as long, but it will
certainly be something like you wrote. I think you’re helping a lot of people
with this website, including me. Thanks for that! Regards, Thijs.
01/09/06 19:17:40 GMT
Comments:
Thank you very much for posting this letter. I have been trying to write such a
letter, for my own recovery, to my BPD parents (it will be unmailed) and it has
taken forever. Your words and organizational style have given me a huge boost
and shown me the way to proceed. You showed fortitude, clear thinking, and
great persistence in completing this monumental task, and have done a public
service by posting it online.
01/05/06 22:21:50 GMT
Comments:
I can’t believe how much this is showing me almost the exact same things I’ve
been going through! I have been searching for 3-1/2 years to finally see what
his disorder is! I felt like I was going crazy! Thank you so much for sharing
your experience.
12/31/05 22:29:45 GMT
Comments:
I am a stuggling Borderline and have recentley hurt someone so close to me and
i don’t know how to deal with it. With my actions and behaviors i have lost my
family. People tell me it’s alcoholism and the doctors tell me it’s BPD. I
can’t live like this anymore, scared of everything ya know. It just really
helps that I have found this site and being reminded they’re others like me.
Thank-You. Jessica
12/17/05 10:28:04 GMT
Comments:
I think your site is very good and complete, but the information you have here.
05/30/06 16:40:02 GMT
Comments:
I seriously feel like laughing right now.. I have been going through this
webpage and reading..and then i read a bit of your letter..and i didn’t read to
read any more.. I CAN”T BELIEVE WE GO THROUGH THIS. Your letter is an
exact replica of what I have been dealing with since i was 17 years old (I am
almost 23 now)..wow.. we recently broke up again and i feel like i don’t know
what to do with myself.. again..cause i feel crazy, confused with what i could
have done better..and why everyone seems to be better then me now.. and in the
past two days from reading this information..i have never felt so great..or
secure about who i am as a person…Of course i knew i was great, and tried
hard to make others happy..but when someone is constantly doing this to you..
as you know..it’s so easy to get confused about who you are as a person.. I am
greatful people are out there (but sad they had to go through things i have
been through).. I am hopeful that this will get better for me..and I will be
able to move on.. and have the same feelings i have for him..but for someone
who respects and treats me the way i should be treated. My love isn’t supossed
to be an effort! I wish you all good luck!
05/16/06 21:32:46 GMT
Comments:
Your story almost mimicks what I have been through for 5 years. I could
literally change names and locations or diff. activities and it would be a
mirror of my life for half a decade. Thank you so much. You changed my life
today. So many weights have been lifted off of me. My ex was a man with
borderline personality disorder and honestly I thought I was crazy. Your letter
sounds like so many emails I wrote to him and got no reponses for or none of
any worth. From the bottom of my heart thank you.
05/14/06 18:28:38 GMT
Comments:
Great letter. For a year she wanted to date me. I gave it a try. I am tired. I
wrote her a letter yesterday basically saying I am moving on yet left the door
open with boundaries. It would surprise me if she responds in a mature way.
06/13/06 20:14:23 GMT
Comments:
Thanks for sharing your letter. I found it very helpful.
07/12/06 18:54:54 GMT
Comments:
My friend told me to visit your site because she said its beautiful. She really
was telling that truth. Indeed, your site is amazing. Ill surely go visit here
again. Keep up the good work! 😀
07/12/06 06:19:30 GMT
Comments:
Greetings from Denmark. You have a lovely website, I’d like to wish you all the
best for the future.
07/06/06 12:38:29 GMT
Comments:
I can’t believe how many people have to endure this pain with individuals they
love so much. I have been in a relationship for 5 years with a BP but didn’t
realize it until I started counseling, thinking I was the one with so many
issues, only to find out I wasn’t. I kept coming back for more and more verbal
abuse, thinking that if I just loved this person enough, they would eventually
love me the same. The intimate part of the relationship ended a year ago, but I
thought I could keep on being her best friend and endure the abuse. Your letter
in many ways mimicked my relationship. It helped me to realize that the hope I
kept holding on to was not there and I had to let go and give up. Your letter
gave me the strength to finally let go, which is what I knew I needed to do all
along but couldn’t let go of hope. I made the necessary changes so we are no
longer seeing each other on a daily basis and broke off any contact. It’s very
difficult to lose a relationship with someone you will always love so deeply
and have invested so much of your self into, but I know now I can begin to heal
and stop holding onto what once was. Thank you so much for your letter….it’s
help me change my life.
08/25/06 20:50:35 GMT
Comments:
Thanks for sharing your experience. My BP son goes through similiar experiences
in his relationships… which he needs so much. I am hoping that he will read
your letter.
08/18/06 19:25:30 GMT
Comments:
Thanks for posting that account. Someone I care for has the same condition as
your ex-partner and I know how much self doubt it can cause to the nonBPD. I’m
trying to be just a friend to my BPD person – but it’s difficult because you
have to put so much effort into being a friend and you don’t get much back
except occasional inscencere praise and fairly frequent lies. We have to
remember that it’s not their fault though, I guess it’s the really sensitive,
lovely people who get most hurt by childhood abuse and then develop BPD. Cheers
07/20/06 21:54:22 GMT
Comments:
Looking forward to more information, understanding and my own recovery as a
Non-BP. 🙂
10/23/06 15:59:51 GMT
Comments:
Dear Chris, Are you sure your EX BPD/G/F isn’t my ex BPD G/F!? 🙂 Thank you
from the bottom of my heart, for sharing this letter publically. You are doing
the world a huge favor, b/c I myself thought I was completely alone in my
torment & pain. I’m sure others have found the same relief. I wish you much
love and happiness in your life. Best, Rebecca
10/16/06 01:33:50 GMT
Comments:
thank you so much for sharing this in cyberspace. I’m in the process of leaving
a relationship just like this. It’s so hard. It’s often frightening, because
I’m always looking over my shoulder, wondering when the ‘other shoe’ will be
lobbed directly at my head. just…….thank you.
10/11/06 21:29:10 GMT
Comments:
WOW. I so needed to read the WHOLE thing. Now I need to do the WHOLE thing.
Your struggle is my struggle and I thank you for your thoughtful, insightful
and intelligent account of your relationship. Your analysis and level of detail
really helped me get it. I have / had 6 years of time and have felt that enough
is enough, enough times but maybe the resonance I feel with your letter will
move me to the next step which is STAY AWAY. peace.
09/28/06 15:22:34 GMT
Comments:
I was very intrigued by your letter. My g/f of 7 1/2 yrs left me for a girl
with bpd that she had known for maybe 6 mos. I know she isn’t in a good place,
she controls her anxiety/panic with meds and is recovering alcoholic. I fear
for her sobriety and mental state everyday. I know the bpd played on her
emotions, because as “Heather” states everyone has abandoned her,and
she would be non-functional or she is also a self-mutilator. I’m sure it won’t
last for them, but again I fear for my ex.
09/11/06 05:30:49 GMT
Comments:
Looking forward to a wonderful life and to see it reduced little by little and
not know why? How could she come up with such stuff? Made because she thought
my 19 year old daughter moved the curtain. I mean WHAT? Answers help me move
on. Thanks
09/11/06 03:18:41 GMT
Comments:
I’m impressed on how my 2-year relationship was close to yours. I left her 2
weeks ago. And I discovered about BPD 1 week ago and immediately classified her
as high-performing and acting-out BPD. Anyhow, I think you are doing a great
work on informing people what is BPD. I wish every man knew about BPD so he can
detect on early relationship steps and decide on whether to accept it or to
leave.
01/01/07 08:41:42 GMT
Comments:
Wow. It feels better to know there are other people who have dealt with what
I’m still dealing with. I was engaged to a BP. She became pregnant a month
after the engagement because she stopped taking birth control without telling
me. When my response was to be somewhat hurt and upset that apparently I wasn’t
important enough to be made part of the decision to have a child, she ended the
relationship and despite the fact she ended it blames me for everything and
accused me of walking out on my family. I now have a 11 month old son. He is my
greatest joy, yet it is very painful at the same time because I do not live
with him and only see him 3 or 4 times a week. This is not how I planned on
fatherhood being. This is not what I planned for my life. But this is what you
get with a BP.
12/29/06 11:29:43 GMT
Comments:
My God !! This is just scary ! So recognizable. It took me about 1 month to
find out my ex had BL (at extreme level!) and then another 6 months to get rid
of her – and all the horror and stress… In the meantime trying to persuade
her to seek counseling, to no avail. So she’ll most likely end up in some
nuthouse. – I couldn’t care less :o) – Found the love of my life 2 months
later. Gasp! > A NORMAL sane person. Regards , Vince
11/30/06 21:01:04 GMT
Comments:
Your “Oz” story has given me some excellent insights into my own
troubled relationship with a former girlfriend. Thanks for being willing to
share the painful details in order to help others.
10/24/06 07:11:16 GMT
Comments:
Hi, I haven’t finished all of your letter yet, but it is very eye-opening for
me. I hope you are healed and well.
04/09/07 19:14:25 GMT
Comments:
Wow – I am surprised you stayed with this person for so long, but I’m glad you
got out. I pity her because she is obviously very ill, but no one should have
to put up with abuse even from ill people. Good for you for getting your life
back!
03/24/07 02:12:18 GMT
Comments:
Thank you SO much. I just read all your letter avidly – you were so brave to
share it and you have made such a positive difference, not only to me but
clearly to many others. I recognise so much in this letter – a lot of it felt
like I was actually writing it. It took me a long time to work out what issues
were driving my former partner’s behavioural and communication difficulties.
Even though I have the qualifications to do so, my head and heart were so
extremely mangled by her that I couldn’t see the wood for the trees. My
professional advice to anyone still struggling, still fondly hoping it’ll work
if only you keep on loving…? RUN. NOW. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
for such honest and kindly validation.
03/23/07 01:26:33 GMT
Comments:
Thank you does not seem like it’s enough… but thank you, thank you, THANK
YOU.
02/17/07 03:48:57 GMT
Comments:
Thank you so much for being willing to share so much about your relationship.
It is clear how much work you have done to recover and heal and how much that
work has paid off for you. You’re a brave person and the health that you now embody
is quite evident. Thanks for helping shed some light on my own situation. Many
blessings to you.
08/07/07 15:42:02 GMT
Comments:
Your letter is so true of my experience too, vivid and exact in nature,
situation and principle. A couple months ago I ended this 2.5 yr relationship
of termoil with a bpd girl. Same crapola you went thru. At about 6 weeks the
problems started, the push pull and other head games hadnt stopped until I
recently ended it. I feel very sorry for my ex. She has told me about her past
relationships being full of termoil too. To this day she denies being the
problem. hmmm I learned a lot about myself, her and bpd. I do regret though
staying in it for 2.5 years.
08/01/07 17:48:43 GMT
Comments:
Thanks for sharing. I was struck by your ex-partner’s letter; how pathetic in
its self-deluded quality yet so poignant in revealing her BP inner hell. As
someone in a 20 year marriage to a BP woman, I salute your emancipation.
07/27/07 11:51:21 GMT
Comments:
very interested to read your story
07/26/07 01:15:31 GMT
Comments:
Thank you for publishing this letter. I left a BPD person 5 months ago after a
14 month relationship, and it has been hard on me. Your letter was the one I
would’ve written to her, and it helps so much to know I am not alone. It also
gives me strength and hope for my future. Thanks again!