My Trip To Oz And Back:

 A True "Retrospective" Story Of My Relationship With A Person With BPD

I was involved with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder for two years.  This is the letter I wrote to her after I broke off the relationship.

This letter was written and mailed in the winter of 1996-97. At that time I knew nothing about BPD. It wasn't until later, that I discovered BPD Central.

Writing this was cathartic. It doubled as a form of therapy. I actually did send the letter; however, I doubt that it had much effect.  The more I learned about BPD, the more I realized that the likelihood of this person ever really understanding, was probably close to zero.

I realize that the letter says just as much about me--my co-dependency and self-esteem issues--as it does about my former BP lover. I've learned a lot about myself from this experience.

I also realize that, compared with a lot of other people, I was really lucky. What I lived through was NOTHING, compared to other horror stories I've read.

Why would I want to put such a personal document online?  There are several reasons. First, I wanted to give an accurate portrayal of what it is like to be in a relationship with a person with BPD.  There are many books and websites on BPD, but relatively few from a significant other's point of view.  Second, I am hoping that someone out there might read a bit and identify with it.  When one is in a difficult situation, sometimes just hearing about another person's similar experience can be affirming--as in, "I'm not the only one."   Finally, I consider myself a success story--see the final chapter, the epilogue.  My wish is to give hope to others.

Thanks to Randi Kreger, owner of the BPD Central site, and coordinator of the original nonBP Internet support group.

All names and identifying details have been changed.   Copyright 2003 by the Author.

Q: What's the connection between BPD and The Wizard of Oz anyway??
A: It's an analogy that was first used on the nonBP Internet mailing list. Click here for an explanation. Thanks to the folks at BPD Central and

Note (November 2006): This website has now received over 53,000 hits. Thank you for all of your supportive comments and emails. I am grateful that I have been able to touch so many lives, even in this small way.

Remember: Living well is the best revenge.


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